New Life: A clearer path to Self Knowledge

Like many people my age I began to take a deeper look within myself. There seems to be something about middle age that causes us to take stock,  to take inventory,  and to begin to catalog and make sense of the knowledge and experience we have accumulated over the years. After all, a careful synthesis  of theses two things can produce a wisdom as unique to an individual as their fingerprint; and when lines begin to blur,  wisdom is all there really is to grasp at.  It becomes our goal.

As I began the daunting task of pouring over the very unorganized "files" of my own personal collected knowledge and experience I remember thinking;
     "Ok,  there is a lot to sort through, but after nearly 40 years I have solidified myself as a person,  I have my beliefs,  attitudes,  and sense of the world/universe firmly in place.  This will simply be a matter of pairing useful information with meaningful experiences,  cutting away the useless,  and packing it all back up into a nice,  neat,  better,  wiser, more mature version of myself.  Easy!"
I could not have been more wrong

Over the last year I have spent more time getting to know myself than i ever thought was possible. I will not get into the particulars of this process in this article(if you relate to this piece at all please email me for guidance in self discovery ), but it is intense.

I have heard things all of my life about knowing yourself,  relationship with self, etc. I naively took the concept for granted.  I never really gave it more weight than a clever psychology trick that helped people open up and reveal things to others that their "self" was already aware of.

I was wrong again.

Even after my introduction to the concept of self, education on the topic,  opinion,  and research,  I was often left confused. Many explain the self in levels.  Lower to higher.  Some aspects needing over come while other aspects or "higher" levels needed to be attained. Some took it a step further, explaining the self in terms that made it seem as though there were not different levels, but completely separate selves. As a former psychology student,  my quest for self knowledge was quickly turning into a creepy diagnosis. I briefly subscribed to a philosophy that not only separated self,  but ranked it as well.  Ex. Higher self, lower self,  shadow self,  etc. That did not seem right either. Ranking made it seem as though there is a version of self that is lowly or bad and another "better" version to be achieved. This led to a lot of anxiety,  guilt,  and discouragement for me because I was struggling to improve upon an aspect of myself that was already perfect and operating as it should.

My "Lower" self was not lower at all! Infact,  it is a fearless warrior and without it I would not have experiences worth review. So, i shifted perspective and changed a few keywords in my inner dialogue and my so called lower self gracefully,  and gratefully stepped into the title of "Monitor Self". That change allowed this aspect of myself to do her job with pride and purpose. It also enlightened me to the fact that this journey was not about changing self,  but accepting self and getting to know the parts that have, for the most part, remained hidden,  mute,  dark.

My Monitor Self was beginning to give me insights into the rest of "our" personality. I could feel acts of kindness I had done as pleasant heart swelling moments,  I could feel pain I had inflicted.  Not in the form of guilt,  but acute emotional and mental anguish. All this pain stemmed only from instances where i was completely ignorant and oblivious to the harm i was doing at the time.  I was given back what I put out. My Monitor Self showed the beauty of my color in moments of creative flow when there is no expectancy of outcome, sheer joy, balance,  harmony are the only words that suffice.  I also got the full impact of what the world is denied when i am selfish and dim my light. Soon I realized that the "Higher self" I was being shown wasn't higher per se,  but inner.
Inner,  center,  and most important, magnetic! Another quick change in dialogue and my Magnetic Self actualized with my Monitor Self.  Without even intentionally doing so, I had reached a new level of understanding.
Magnetic Self is my Heart (I will detail the real physical electromagnetic spectrum of the heart in later articles) My Heart Center. Eureka! I could now merge my "selves". I was free to depart from this stage in life and move on to live and experience life more deeply.
(At this point I was getting used to being wrong. I would like to point out that this is a point of perseverance. Many people find much of what they thought they new of life was wrong. Prepare for this as it seems to hit people hard)
Something was missing and it gnawed at me from the inside. Still, elated at this newness of living, my Monitor Self was full steam ahead,  taking almost everything in as new. Now that my Magnetic Heart Self was expressing; it gave old experiences new sheen and gave new way to previously rejected perspectives. I also noticed as the two worked together I was able to dodge negative energy intuitively or transmute the negative energy into something else entirely. That is when I began to feel that "creating our own realities " was not just a concept designed to feed our control illusion. It is very much a notion of experience, skill,  practice,  and belief turned to knowing.
So,  what was missing?
I could not turn back now or settle for half way.  I loved my new sense of self and I was fascinated at how in sync my Monitor and Magnetic were. Still,  I could not shake off the empty spot.
Two halves make a whole.  2 is balance.  Think,  think.  It all added up in my mind.
But,  it did not feel right. I had become accustomed to that heart communication and lying to the heart is impossible. It just knows what it knows and begs to be trusted.
Feel,  Feel,  Feel,  think,  thi...
That's it!
My heart raced,  my senses tingled,  and my mind.....  Thought!
A third team mate.  A fundamental function,  already working,  just waiting to be realized and empowered. Monitoring(senses), processing(mind),  and magnifying(heart) and it is a loop.  What is magnified is monitored,  processed,  and magnified,  and on and on.
As quickly as this was realized the three functions blurred into one system.  Heart Center is already encoded with the greater good of collective.  Signals come from Heart first.  Many think the cycle originates in thought or that it begins with Monitoring perceived stimuli.  This is crucial to understand. It BEGINS with Heart.   Operating with any of the 3 functions muted results in distorted reports from the other overworked functions. This alone will cause people to turn away from this path of discovery.  Most see this distortion in the form of the lives they have created. Once the distortion is noticed,  consciously or subconsciously you will set out to right it.  People get overwhelmed because as they look closer it appears to them that everything that makes them, who they thought they were needs dismantled.  If you are there now. .. Please,  hang in there.  This is just a further distortion of the original distortion.  Keep in mind that only a distorted solution can be birthed from this illusory living. Presenting people with the idea that lifelong work needs torn down and rebuilt is a great way for that distorted living to stay alive.  It will not go without a fight. (I will also elaborate on great methods for combatting the distorted voice). What you will be left with is a brighter more brilliant version of yourself than you could have imagined.
It is easier to recognize your state of affairs and the reasoning behind them with all functions synced. Learn to love and recognize all these functions in yourselves and others.  All 3 functions are in place at all times in everyone. However,  most only operate out of 1 function at a time and have one main function that dominates. We can easily recognize this in ourselves and others if we think about it. The addict or gambler that operates out of sensual Monitor.  The overly critical analyzer that operates out of the thinking Processor. The dramatic martyr that operates out of the Magnetic Heart.  The combination of the 3 in balance is imperative.
 Once achieved,  you must mindfully maintain it.  A top notch computer system lends itself to a great metaphor.   That machine can easily represent not only Body,  Mind, and Thought, but Consciousness or Spirit as well. No shortcuts can be taken.

The reason it is a good idea to know the processes your "computer" uses is so when something goes wrong, you can trouble shoot the problem and resolve the issue before software or important hardware is damaged.  The same goes for the self.  Dust will need blown out,  Junk and "spam" that accumulate from being online (in public) need deleted.  Important info needs backed up or saved,  and once in awhile software (consciousness ) needs updated.  The examples are endless.

The Motherboard is the Heart.  Without it the computer and everything within is useless to that system.  It will not even power on.  Like the heart in our body the motherboard produces the majority of the electric impulses within the system telling other parts what to do and how to work. The brain is the CPU and it literally does what our brains do. It takes in,  processes, analyzes,  and retrieves stored information.

Like us, the computer system will start and even run,  but not much else.  The signals we get from heart and body are not much more than jumbled code with no processor to sort the information. Keyboard,  mouse,  monitor,  printers,  etc.  Represent our bodies and the physical senses.  We take info (input) process it with our hearts and brains and produce output (monitor,  printer,  etc. )
I am still very much on my path and learning with each moment. I thought the discovery of self would end the journey,  but indeed it was just the first leap off the cliff of the Fool.
As I continue to grow so does self and I have come to find that in order to truly know myself I must acknowledge that this knowing is like Zipf's law. The more I know,  the more there is to know.  As I  discovered  my "selves" and merged them I realized that this was a microcosm. There is a connectedness of all things on the macro as well and it inspires me to want to know it all and know all of you. As I said,  I am far from completing my journey,  but I feel as though I have reached a plateau. One in which I can help those who are now where I was.  Stumbling around the dark simply trying to find their own light.
Many possibilities,  power,  and magic wait once the selves merge.  It is amazing.  I have stumbled and struggled too long on my own,  many of us have.
No more.
I refuse to go any farther without my stellar companions,  my molecular brothers, my friends,  you.
I have given this a lot of heart and thought,  to the degree of inventing a new word,  a form of study,  if you will to help guide us.  I searched languages for hours looking for just the right term,  none came.  So,  from my mind's eye Blurred Lines would like to present with all my Heart:
Amalsophology (a mal so fology)
The pursuit of understanding and process of decision making relative to the microsystem of self, macro system of the whole molecular family,  and based on ALL of humanity's and Earth's  collective knowledge,  experience,  and insights applied in daily life and major events.

Join me in becoming Master Amalsophologists.
I hope to hear from you soon!
I
Am
You
We
Are Love and Light 💡